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Phoenixx's
tale.........written by Catherine Loft, hours after his untimely
death.
22 December
1997
...........None of
this is yet real to me as I type, the smile on his face only left a few
hours ago. But, through my pain and damp keyboard I must reach out to
those who understand and know it all too well, those who care and won't
think of me as that 'nutty crazy woman'. Heartache in the dog world is all
too much sometimes.
If only I had known
yesterday was our last day together, nothing prepares you for the shock of
a life lost so young, nothing is harder than the final goodbye to the ones
you love.
When you think the
pain is so great, and all the bad things have passed over a treacherous 2
years, fate has a way of cruelly dishing out more, I'm left asking Why me?
The greatest gift of love has left me and we have only summered and
wintered once. No one has the answer as there is no answer.
Little baby
Phoenixx came to me as more than just a puppy, he was bred to ease the
pain of loosing my first Malamute Kane. Phoenixx was named very
appropriately "Phoenixx Rising" as in the resurrection, a new beginning.
He served his purpose to the fullest, now it's all so ironic. He was just
too good to be true and as I was told this morning "only the good die
young".
In the show ring
this little guy excelled. He was born for it, loved it. He ran in the ring
with ease and confidence, showing his heart out. Phoenixx went down a
winner, his last show taking BOB, and now baby no one can beat you. But at
home, he was my lap dog, all he wanted was to be loved, whether he was
sitting on my lap or standing at my feet, he was happy just to be with
someone. Phoenixx had a smile for everyone, never nasty and everyone loved
him it was just his presence. For those of you who met him, say goodbye to
a great ambassador of our breed.
The legacy of
Phoenixx will live on, he has given me a beautiful son and daughter and
they are here to remind me of his Zest for life.
Last night, my
parents and my sister and I were enjoying a delightful prawn salad.
Phoenixx was spread out on the couch as usual under the ceiling fan. I had
just placed Awsum and Phoenixx's Christmas presents under the tree,
including his Santa stocking full with
chewies. Santa also brought Baby
Phoenixx (as we called him) a Teddy Bear, soft toys were his favourite.
For some reason I decided to give him his Teddy that night, Phoenixx
curled up on the couch and proceeded to lick his new Teddy. It was so cute
I called in my Dad to check it out. By the time we'd had dinner, Teddy's
head was ripped off, we laughed. The dogs went to bed about midnight and I
kissed them good night as always.
This morning, at
6am I was woken by my mother. My sister had left early and was disturbed
by not being greeted good morning by Phoenixx. Mum said "there is
something wrong, he's just lying there". I raced to him, there he was
motionless.......his tongue blue, eyes open, stiff. Screaming we raced to
the vet who could only announce there was nothing we could do, he was
gone.
Back home, a tiger
snake was found in the yard, it was dead, bitten in half. The heat brings
the snakes out of the bush in search for water, and little Phoenixx
thought he was invincible.
Mum and I bathed
Phoenixx in water and oil called "joy of life", he deserved to look his
best. My Dad dug a hole in our orchid. We wrapped Phoenixx in his
favourite blankie, gave him his headless Teddy and a new bunny, I wrote my
words of goodbye and left that with him too. I tied his ribbons to his
legs, and buried him with flowers on a nice comfy mat. My Dad made a cross
which I painted white, attached a beautiful photo of the two of us and
wrote in Black "RIP my sunshine, your two mummies will love you forever,
Catherine & Awsum".
As I laid him to
rest his spirit was set free. I know he'll always be around, looking out
for me and protecting me. How special am I....
You're a free
spirit now Phoenixx, go run with the angels, you always were one of them I
told him.
In Memory of
Phoenixx
...........For if
Phoenixx be well remembered, if sometimes he leaps through my dreams as in
actual life, eyes kindling, laughing, begging, it matters not where he
sleeps.
On a hill where the
wind is unrebuked and the trees are roaring, or beside a dam he knew in
puppy hood, or somewhere in the flatness of an orchid where the most
exhilarating kangaroo's graze. It is one to Phoenixx, and all one to me,
and nothing is gained and nothing lost - if memory lives. But there is one
best place to bury Phoenixx.
If I bury him in
this spot, he will come to me when I call - come to me over the grim, dim
frontiers of death, and down the well remembered path to my side again.
And though I may call a dozen living dogs to heel, they shall not growl at
Phoenixx, nor resent him coming for he belongs there.
People may scoff at
me, who see no lightest blade of grass bent by his footfall, who hear no
whimper, people who have never really loved a dog. I smile at them, for I
shall know something that is hidden from them.
The one best
place to bury Phoenixx is in the heart of his
master.............
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